Saturday, July 27, 2013


I am wondering how parents that strive for mindful and peaceful parenting find appropriate consequences for inappropriate behaviour by their children. What are the consequences for breaching the boundaries that are set? Often these behaviours are a result of an unmet need by the child. Like the fact that they need sleep. Does that excuse them from the consequences of behaving awfully? I tend to lean towards no.

M made some poor choices yesterday which resulted in H missing work and M missing camp. His behaviour was deplorable. It continued past bedtime. It was frustrating and emotionally draining for all involved. When this sort of emotional storm ensues I often feel left without any tools in my parenting tool belt. I resort to withdrawing privileges, threats, etc. But when he is just beyond, beyond is he able to hear me, process what I am saying and make a change in his actions? I doubt it.

Maintaining his dignity is important. He gets very embarassed and believes he is 'an idiot' his words not mine, when he makes poor choices. Helping him to make the appropriate decision and do what I have asked is the tricky part. Not yelling and raging is getting easier for me although I do still speak sharply. D's instant wailing is a reminder to not yell. It's kind of like conditional behaviour therapy. I yell = D screaming therefore I stop yelling.

I know in my head this is a normal developmental process that he is coming into himself. This means setting his own boundaries and learning to manage conflict. So how do I let him do that without taking us all down with him?