Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Attachment Parenting and Indepence is it an either/or?

I was recently reading this article why-my-kids-are-not-center-of-my-world on what modern parenting is doing to harm our kids and why they will not be able to function in the world because parents dote on their children and take away the realities of the world. I agree with encouraging children to problem solve, deal with ambiguity, deal with violence and hurt feelings. So in principle I agree with a lot of what this mother is saying. I would also say that although I would lay down my life for them my children are not the center of my world and I do not dote on them.
However I do take issue with one of the comments on the post that attachment parenting as a modern parenting mindset prevents independence and the ability to self soothe. What do babies being comforted and having their needs met have to do with learning to deal with the realities of the world? Is this person saying that if you meet your babies needs that later in life this adult will not be able to function in society without handholding? That's quite the slippery slope. I am of the opinion that there are different stages in a child's life and the infancy stage is not the one in which I teach independence. There is plenty of time later in life when the child understands consequences and logic and patience to teach this. I guess it irks me that feels they have the right to judge how independent my child will be based on my parenting preferences.  My children happen to be very independent now able to play and problem solve independently. Both were worn, breastfed, coslept, neither was sleep trained and we responded to their crying. So in theory, although not proven, AP did not affect their independence or ability to problem solve.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Mood Swings or Emotional Instability?

When you grow up with a mother that braves/suffers from/lives with mental illness you may, like me, question your own mental state at times. Like when I want to kill someone for chewing too loudly or slurping their coffee next to me. Or when I want to jump up and down and scream at my child for not putting his socks on.  Yes, I do indeed have scars from my living with a mother that swung from one side of the emotional tipping scale to the other and everything in between (sometimes on the same day). Don't get me wrong, I love my mother and admire her for her many amazing qualities some of which I am sure stem from her illness. Also, those scars obviously make me who I am for that I am grateful because I like who I am. I do however have a deep seeded fear of falling into the uncontrollable emotional abyss of mental illness.

The mood swings in pregnancy heighten this anxiety. This morning I wanted to cry because I NEEDED chicken strips and we had none and it was 9 am so really where I am going to get chicken strips at that hour. Yes I questioned my sanity as I sat feeling completely shattered over my lack of chicken strips. In reality this was not something that needs to be treated or prevents me from functioning. But what about the fact that my house is dirty, not just messy, but dirty. Or the fact that I rarely bake or cook anymore. Or that I am doing the bare minimum to get by in school. Does this signal depression? Or is it normal pregnancy blues? Sometimes I am overcome with contentment and joy but the feeling is fleeting and it rarely leads to motivation. Perhaps it is all linked to my junk food cravings and lack of exercise? I will bring exercise clothes tomorrow and pack my lunch. Can people who are depressed get out of it by making a plan? In my experience usually not so perhaps I am just preggo and moody.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Pregnant again sigh....

I know in my heart it should be "Pregnant again Yay!" I am having trouble with the Yay part of it all. I don't remember feeling this blase` about my previous pregnancies. This one was unplanned but it is definitely not unwanted. I want this little being. I am just having a difficult time getting excited about getting fat, feeling awful, having a c-section, bleeding for 8 weeks, intense after pains, no sleep until I am pretty much dead etc. I am wondering if I am supposed to analyze this or if I should just let it be. I know I will love this child when it's out free ranging in the world. I know my thoughts and feelings cannot harm this baby. I thought when I started to feel better I would feel excited but I'm still ambivalent. Cranky and ambivalent. I am usually such a go with the flow type person not worrying just accepting that it will all fall into place. However right now I am worried about EVERYTHING: money, school, daycare, space, our vehicle etc. The ONLY thing that is exciting right now is making maternity clothes and that is about not wanting to spend any money and enjoying the challenge. Perhaps I need to add more challenges. I start a new job on the 18th so hopefully that will take my mind off of things until the ultrasound and feeling the baby dance on my bladder. Those should still be exciting right? Even though the heartbeat wasn't? Right?