Last year I attempted to go through the twenty day exercise of being a more mindful parent that was started at The Parenting Passageway. However I only lasted until day 13 and even then it was several months between posts 11 and 13. Well as fate would have it Carrie is going through this exercise with her readers for the second time and it looks like I can pick up where I left off.
The topic is humour. Perhaps it is time for me to finally read Leonard Cohen's "Playful Parenting". I've had it for years and read sections of it as needed but I've never read it front to back. Maybe it would give me some tools and insights into my broody son that I plopped in the snow is his sock feet this morning. Yes bad parent moment. He did get his boots and coat on eventually but what could have been a funny, break the ice, moment just ended in a whole lot of mad.
I remember when I was younger I felt embarrassed and totally lacked confidence in anything except my academic abilities. Even then I didn't put those on the line in anything I could fail at. I remember a particularly humiliating moment when I grabbed something off a shared plate at a restaurant at dinner of which there were only two. My parents were shocked and let me know in no uncertain terms that it was unacceptable. I felt the sting of humiliation on my cheeks and in my eyes and the awful fluttering in my chest. I don't know if I apologized... I hung my head but I doubt I apologized. It always felt embarrassing to say I was sorry, still does. Watching my son I often wonder if he feels the same way. If my harsh words and criticizing tone that comes out all too often make him feel ashamed. I need to learn to laugh at myself more. My husband has helped me with this over the years by gently teasing but even he knows he can't push it too far or I will clam up and get angry. Wait... that sounds just like my boy. How can I help him learn to laugh at himself when I have barely learned to do it myself.
He is boiling over right now and perhaps laughing is just what he needs to get him to express himself. He is doing a drama class in school. It's mandatory and he hates it. He hates putting himself out there and feeling silly. Perhaps we need to institute a little silly into our day. It might be awkward for the both of us since serious is our main game but it is something to try. Right now we need something.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
The Balancing Act
It's been a while, almost 2 years since I wrote a blog post. Life has been busy. I am a graduate student taking a double degree in nursing and informatics. My husband had a car accident 2 months ago that injured him. My mom moved in and then moved out. My brother got married. My grandmother in law passed away. Yeah life's been moving at a fairly fast clip. I feel like I need to slow down. I am only taking one course with a full time coop this semester. That means 3 courses next semester though.
My boss in the computer world wants to know what my future plans are and if I plan on continuing to do a couple shifts a week there. The thing is I can't afford to. I like the experience and the people but the money isn't enough. Working Monday to Friday when you are used to the shift work and having weekdays off to catch up is quite the adjustment. I am not adjusted yet. I am wondering if I made the right choice. It is a mental challenge but there's a huge risk of failure which puts me on edge all. the. time. I thought perhaps I was striving for management or an executive lead position out of these degrees. Now I am thinking that the kind of lifestyle that brings with it. The late nights, early mornings and weekend work are not what I want at this point in my life. I am not cut out to be the stay at home mom but am I cut out to be the Executive mom who never makes it to her kids events because work is always in the way? I doubt it. Is there a middle ground? Can I have my career and be a present parent too?
As for the kids D is turning 4 this month. She is turning into a very emotionally insightful little girl, even if that means that she cries a. lot. She likes to dance and sing. She hates to compete unless she knows she can win (and then she gloats). Stress overloads her to the point of bursting at the seams. She is a clumsy sort and falls down standing still on a straight surface. She is loving. This morning I am home sick and I sent the kids to school and daycare. D had tears in her eyes and she snuggled her blankie and told me she would miss me. I could feel my heart tearing in two. I wanted to keep her home but knew I would get no rest then. Sigh... was I being selfish?
M is 6 and in grade one. He now reads and sings in both French and English. His logical, analytical, rule following brain helps him do really well in school. So well in fact that he is 'helping' another student who is doing less well in school. However the teacher mentioned that he would be 'helping' and they would get lunch treats on Fridays in their 'meetings'. The way that M explains it is that he has to remind this other child not to talk to much. It sounds like he is being rewarded for being a nag and a tattle which can't be making him very popular with the other kids. I really don't agree with this but I'm not sure if it harmful enough that I should request that it stop. I cannot picture what kind of fall out that would have.
This parenting thing is hard. Which is part of the reason I decided to not have any more kids. I made the decision on my own without my husband who had been on the fence about this for a long time. I always thought we would have one more. But the thought of a baby at this point in my life makes me want to cringe. There are all kinds of factors like money, time, career aspirations, personal fitness goals that impacted my decision. I always thought I would just 'know' that I was done but I think I needed to feel good about me and where I am at before I could close that door. So it's closed, but not locked for a year as husband wants to wait that amount of time before making it permanent if you know what I mean ; )
My boss in the computer world wants to know what my future plans are and if I plan on continuing to do a couple shifts a week there. The thing is I can't afford to. I like the experience and the people but the money isn't enough. Working Monday to Friday when you are used to the shift work and having weekdays off to catch up is quite the adjustment. I am not adjusted yet. I am wondering if I made the right choice. It is a mental challenge but there's a huge risk of failure which puts me on edge all. the. time. I thought perhaps I was striving for management or an executive lead position out of these degrees. Now I am thinking that the kind of lifestyle that brings with it. The late nights, early mornings and weekend work are not what I want at this point in my life. I am not cut out to be the stay at home mom but am I cut out to be the Executive mom who never makes it to her kids events because work is always in the way? I doubt it. Is there a middle ground? Can I have my career and be a present parent too?
As for the kids D is turning 4 this month. She is turning into a very emotionally insightful little girl, even if that means that she cries a. lot. She likes to dance and sing. She hates to compete unless she knows she can win (and then she gloats). Stress overloads her to the point of bursting at the seams. She is a clumsy sort and falls down standing still on a straight surface. She is loving. This morning I am home sick and I sent the kids to school and daycare. D had tears in her eyes and she snuggled her blankie and told me she would miss me. I could feel my heart tearing in two. I wanted to keep her home but knew I would get no rest then. Sigh... was I being selfish?
M is 6 and in grade one. He now reads and sings in both French and English. His logical, analytical, rule following brain helps him do really well in school. So well in fact that he is 'helping' another student who is doing less well in school. However the teacher mentioned that he would be 'helping' and they would get lunch treats on Fridays in their 'meetings'. The way that M explains it is that he has to remind this other child not to talk to much. It sounds like he is being rewarded for being a nag and a tattle which can't be making him very popular with the other kids. I really don't agree with this but I'm not sure if it harmful enough that I should request that it stop. I cannot picture what kind of fall out that would have.
This parenting thing is hard. Which is part of the reason I decided to not have any more kids. I made the decision on my own without my husband who had been on the fence about this for a long time. I always thought we would have one more. But the thought of a baby at this point in my life makes me want to cringe. There are all kinds of factors like money, time, career aspirations, personal fitness goals that impacted my decision. I always thought I would just 'know' that I was done but I think I needed to feel good about me and where I am at before I could close that door. So it's closed, but not locked for a year as husband wants to wait that amount of time before making it permanent if you know what I mean ; )
Monday, March 7, 2011
Reading, Writing, Arithmetic
My soon to be 5 year old is learning at light speed the last couple of weeks. I'm sure he probably learns that fast at other times but right now it's very evident to us.
Saturday we were at a WAHM tradeshow in our city. It had some incredibly cool and creative stuff. One of the booths was a math tutor using all sorts of objects from around the house to teach kids math. M gravitated to this booth like a bear to honey. He looked at the lady and she gave the nod that he could touch and that was it. He spent almost 1/2 hr at that booth. He kept running back. The tutor was incredibly impressed with his number recognition, spatial awareness and hand eye coordination. I was impressed with his focus. He is also learning his letters and phonetics at a rapid rate. He can recognize words and he can write almost all of his letters clearly.
Since I don't measure my kids against other kids (mostly because I'm not exposed to very many other kids) I don't often notice when they are advanced or delayed. I just rely on my instincts to tell me when I need to step in. A while back we looked at giftedness because a doctor told us M was very intelligent. I think he was about 3. I read all the characteristics and thought yes he just might be. I got very excited and thought what do I do now? After researching and reading I thought "I do nothing, I do exactly what I've been doing. Let him lead me where we need to go". I do not really believe in labeling my children. I am pretty sure I only looked into it because the doctor mentioned it. While he may be gifted in some areas this might just even out to above average. I do not want him to think that he's not meeting expectations because he's not 'gifted' anymore.
So now my dear boy is acting out. Violently! My first thought is always allergies or lack of nutrients somewhere or lack of physical activity. While that might still be part of it I don't feel that this is the crux of it this time. Part of it is emotions and social awareness that happens in a 4 year old. But still this doesn't seem to be the core of the issue. All the behavioural issues go away when he is stimulated and involved in something. He's telling us he needs us. Now it's up to me to figure out a way to meet those needs. I've tried workbooks but he gets frustrated. I've tried videos on phonetics. He loved those the first time around but seemed to absorb it all the first time through them. I've tried tag books. He likes these and they hold his attention for a while. But after he's mastered them he doesn't pick them up again. I need to find an ongoing project for us to do. Something we can work on in little bits when our day allows. Something challenging and interesting for him and I. Any suggestions?
Saturday we were at a WAHM tradeshow in our city. It had some incredibly cool and creative stuff. One of the booths was a math tutor using all sorts of objects from around the house to teach kids math. M gravitated to this booth like a bear to honey. He looked at the lady and she gave the nod that he could touch and that was it. He spent almost 1/2 hr at that booth. He kept running back. The tutor was incredibly impressed with his number recognition, spatial awareness and hand eye coordination. I was impressed with his focus. He is also learning his letters and phonetics at a rapid rate. He can recognize words and he can write almost all of his letters clearly.
Since I don't measure my kids against other kids (mostly because I'm not exposed to very many other kids) I don't often notice when they are advanced or delayed. I just rely on my instincts to tell me when I need to step in. A while back we looked at giftedness because a doctor told us M was very intelligent. I think he was about 3. I read all the characteristics and thought yes he just might be. I got very excited and thought what do I do now? After researching and reading I thought "I do nothing, I do exactly what I've been doing. Let him lead me where we need to go". I do not really believe in labeling my children. I am pretty sure I only looked into it because the doctor mentioned it. While he may be gifted in some areas this might just even out to above average. I do not want him to think that he's not meeting expectations because he's not 'gifted' anymore.
So now my dear boy is acting out. Violently! My first thought is always allergies or lack of nutrients somewhere or lack of physical activity. While that might still be part of it I don't feel that this is the crux of it this time. Part of it is emotions and social awareness that happens in a 4 year old. But still this doesn't seem to be the core of the issue. All the behavioural issues go away when he is stimulated and involved in something. He's telling us he needs us. Now it's up to me to figure out a way to meet those needs. I've tried workbooks but he gets frustrated. I've tried videos on phonetics. He loved those the first time around but seemed to absorb it all the first time through them. I've tried tag books. He likes these and they hold his attention for a while. But after he's mastered them he doesn't pick them up again. I need to find an ongoing project for us to do. Something we can work on in little bits when our day allows. Something challenging and interesting for him and I. Any suggestions?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Pantry List
So I thought I would take some time to put together a basics lists for those 'strange' items I have in my cupboard.
Flours
Sorghum is the main one I use. It tastes the best in my families opinion.
Millet - I usually use this in cakes or cupcakes as it makes a nice moist crumb and has a nice flavor
Brown Rice - This is an easy basic flour but I only use it in half amounts since like any rice flour it can provide a grainy texture.
Buckwheat - This is a high protien flour that I have been experimenting with lately and have had great success. It makes a denser product but tastes fabulous
Potato and tapioca starch - These are necessary to use for 1/3 of the total flour so it's not a gluten free brick. It adds lightness and air to the texture. Not really nutritionally satisfying in any way but necessary. Some recipes call for 1/2 the total flours to be starches but I prefer to keep it to a minimum.
Arrowroot flour or Cornstarch - I use these in things that need extra binding power or thickening like pudding or icing or pie crusts, gravies, soups, sauces.
Quinoa - I use this flour sparingly in things because of the strong flavor. It pairs well with chocolate. It is very high in protien. It has all the necessary amino acids.
Quinoa flakes - These work well as oat substitutes. They cook up quickly and make excellent brownies and crumble toppings.
Fats
Olive oil - This has a lower fat content than most but does have a strong fruity flavor
Grapeseed oil - I use this a lot mainly because it provides a very nice moist texture and isn't high in saturated fats
Earth Balance soy free margarine - This is pricey but works really well as a butter substitute for flavor and texture. It makes fabulous cookie. It's made of healthy oils. No trans fats here.
Lard - I use this for greasing and try not to use it for anything else. It is full of saturated fats.
Ghee - This is clarified butter and it is very easy to make your own. Please don't pay $10 for a small bottle. It takes the casein out of the butter. I've been using it sparingly because I haven't been sure if my daughter will react. So far so good.
Coconut oil - This is a whole post unto itself. I use this a lot in baking and in frostings and crumbles. It does have a coconutty flavor. It is a very nourishing fat.
Milks
Hemp milk - This is full of omega 3's but has a grassy flavor so I use it in baking so that the flavor is masked.
Almond milk - This has a very nutty flavor that pairs well with lots of spices. I use this one a lot since it seems to take on the flavor of whatever I am making. It's a bit thinner so it doesn't make a nice yogurt or anything
Coconut milk - We use this almost daily. For a while we could get the tetra paks of So Delicious at our local health food store but it seems they stopped stocking it. It hasn't been available for weeks. So we are limited to the cans. I use this in curries and in puddings, pie fillings, whipped toppings, yogurt. Anything that needs a rich and creamy texture.
Cheese
This is a hard one. I haven't really found anything I like the flavor of. The daughter isn't particularly picky she likes her daiya cheese substitute (no soy, no gluten, no dairy). I can't stand the stuff.
I made a raw macadamia nut cheese that tastes like cream cheese but it's still gritty so no one likes the texture but it works in scones that call for cream cheese.
Eggs and binding agents
We don't have a sensitivity to eggs here but I try to add substitutes in where it works since we tend to overdo the eggs around here.
Chia seed - This is fabulous stuff high in protien and fiber and omega 3's. One tbsp ground with 1/4C water makes one egg and works better than flax. It doesn't leave that gummy texture to the baked goodies.
Flax - I use this when a recipe calls for it. 1tbsp ground with 1/4C water for one egg. I only use it if the recipe is tried and true with it.
Xantham gum and Guar Gum - I am trying to move away from xantham since it is a bacteria that produces mold and guar gum is a natural plant product. We get a lot of xantham in the prepackaged gluten free products we eat anyway.
Sugar
I almost never use white sugar anymore. Unless I'm making something finicky for the first time and need it to turn out exactly right.
I try to use lower glycemic index sweeteners or at least less processed ones. There are so many pesticides in white sugar.
I substitute brown sugar in a lot of things. It still has a high glycemic index but not as high as refined white sugar.
Honey has a glycemic index of 70 compared to 95 of white sugar. It works well in breads and muffins. It is a humectant. When used as a food additive, the humectant has the effect of keeping the foodstuff moist. Maple syrup and agave are also humectants.
Maple syrup - the real stuff. Has all kinds of vitamins in it and has a glycemic index comparable to honey.
Molasses - This sweetener has vitamins in it as well but it has a very distinct taste so it only works in certain kinds of recipes. My kids love molasses cookies.
Agave Nectar - This is my sweetener of choice but tends to be a bit more pricey. It's the main ingredient for making tequila. It has a glycemic index of 30! It has a fabulous flavor that is very comparable to brown sugar. We love this stuff.
Coconut sugar and nectar - I've never tried the nectar. The sugar makes great powdered sugar with slight molasses undertones. It is difficult to find and I do not believe our local health food store carries it. I ordered online from www.upayanaturals.com. I could do a whole post on coconut substitutes. Hmmmm maybe I will...
Stevia - We are not big fans around here. It has a strange aftertaste in my opinion. It has the lowest glycemic load of almost nothing and you only need a few drops to sweeten things.
Date sugar and Palm Sugar - I haven't tried these yet.
Sucanat - This is the most natural cane sugar. It has a lot of the vitamins left. It has very big granules and molasses undertones. I pulse mine in the coffee grinder before using it in the recipes.
My tip is that if you are looking to change your diet pick one section and find a substitution that works. Then once you get used to that change another section. I would personally start with substituting the sugars if you are a baker. Start with the fats if you aren't. The big thing is do not go out and buy everything on this list. Pick one from each section that sound interesting to you.
Flours
Sorghum is the main one I use. It tastes the best in my families opinion.
Millet - I usually use this in cakes or cupcakes as it makes a nice moist crumb and has a nice flavor
Brown Rice - This is an easy basic flour but I only use it in half amounts since like any rice flour it can provide a grainy texture.
Buckwheat - This is a high protien flour that I have been experimenting with lately and have had great success. It makes a denser product but tastes fabulous
Potato and tapioca starch - These are necessary to use for 1/3 of the total flour so it's not a gluten free brick. It adds lightness and air to the texture. Not really nutritionally satisfying in any way but necessary. Some recipes call for 1/2 the total flours to be starches but I prefer to keep it to a minimum.
Arrowroot flour or Cornstarch - I use these in things that need extra binding power or thickening like pudding or icing or pie crusts, gravies, soups, sauces.
Quinoa - I use this flour sparingly in things because of the strong flavor. It pairs well with chocolate. It is very high in protien. It has all the necessary amino acids.
Quinoa flakes - These work well as oat substitutes. They cook up quickly and make excellent brownies and crumble toppings.
Fats
Olive oil - This has a lower fat content than most but does have a strong fruity flavor
Grapeseed oil - I use this a lot mainly because it provides a very nice moist texture and isn't high in saturated fats
Earth Balance soy free margarine - This is pricey but works really well as a butter substitute for flavor and texture. It makes fabulous cookie. It's made of healthy oils. No trans fats here.
Lard - I use this for greasing and try not to use it for anything else. It is full of saturated fats.
Ghee - This is clarified butter and it is very easy to make your own. Please don't pay $10 for a small bottle. It takes the casein out of the butter. I've been using it sparingly because I haven't been sure if my daughter will react. So far so good.
Coconut oil - This is a whole post unto itself. I use this a lot in baking and in frostings and crumbles. It does have a coconutty flavor. It is a very nourishing fat.
Milks
Hemp milk - This is full of omega 3's but has a grassy flavor so I use it in baking so that the flavor is masked.
Almond milk - This has a very nutty flavor that pairs well with lots of spices. I use this one a lot since it seems to take on the flavor of whatever I am making. It's a bit thinner so it doesn't make a nice yogurt or anything
Coconut milk - We use this almost daily. For a while we could get the tetra paks of So Delicious at our local health food store but it seems they stopped stocking it. It hasn't been available for weeks. So we are limited to the cans. I use this in curries and in puddings, pie fillings, whipped toppings, yogurt. Anything that needs a rich and creamy texture.
Cheese
This is a hard one. I haven't really found anything I like the flavor of. The daughter isn't particularly picky she likes her daiya cheese substitute (no soy, no gluten, no dairy). I can't stand the stuff.
I made a raw macadamia nut cheese that tastes like cream cheese but it's still gritty so no one likes the texture but it works in scones that call for cream cheese.
Eggs and binding agents
We don't have a sensitivity to eggs here but I try to add substitutes in where it works since we tend to overdo the eggs around here.
Chia seed - This is fabulous stuff high in protien and fiber and omega 3's. One tbsp ground with 1/4C water makes one egg and works better than flax. It doesn't leave that gummy texture to the baked goodies.
Flax - I use this when a recipe calls for it. 1tbsp ground with 1/4C water for one egg. I only use it if the recipe is tried and true with it.
Xantham gum and Guar Gum - I am trying to move away from xantham since it is a bacteria that produces mold and guar gum is a natural plant product. We get a lot of xantham in the prepackaged gluten free products we eat anyway.
Sugar
I almost never use white sugar anymore. Unless I'm making something finicky for the first time and need it to turn out exactly right.
I try to use lower glycemic index sweeteners or at least less processed ones. There are so many pesticides in white sugar.
I substitute brown sugar in a lot of things. It still has a high glycemic index but not as high as refined white sugar.
Honey has a glycemic index of 70 compared to 95 of white sugar. It works well in breads and muffins. It is a humectant. When used as a food additive, the humectant has the effect of keeping the foodstuff moist. Maple syrup and agave are also humectants.
Maple syrup - the real stuff. Has all kinds of vitamins in it and has a glycemic index comparable to honey.
Molasses - This sweetener has vitamins in it as well but it has a very distinct taste so it only works in certain kinds of recipes. My kids love molasses cookies.
Agave Nectar - This is my sweetener of choice but tends to be a bit more pricey. It's the main ingredient for making tequila. It has a glycemic index of 30! It has a fabulous flavor that is very comparable to brown sugar. We love this stuff.
Coconut sugar and nectar - I've never tried the nectar. The sugar makes great powdered sugar with slight molasses undertones. It is difficult to find and I do not believe our local health food store carries it. I ordered online from www.upayanaturals.com. I could do a whole post on coconut substitutes. Hmmmm maybe I will...
Stevia - We are not big fans around here. It has a strange aftertaste in my opinion. It has the lowest glycemic load of almost nothing and you only need a few drops to sweeten things.
Date sugar and Palm Sugar - I haven't tried these yet.
Sucanat - This is the most natural cane sugar. It has a lot of the vitamins left. It has very big granules and molasses undertones. I pulse mine in the coffee grinder before using it in the recipes.
My tip is that if you are looking to change your diet pick one section and find a substitution that works. Then once you get used to that change another section. I would personally start with substituting the sugars if you are a baker. Start with the fats if you aren't. The big thing is do not go out and buy everything on this list. Pick one from each section that sound interesting to you.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Yet another giveaway
I just rearranged the house and we are making a playroom since we are all sleeping in the same room right now why not put the toys in one room. I have my living room back! So the next thing is to get the toys and the books down from M's old room. But..... I have nowhere to tidily store the books. So I want to win this BEAUTIFUL bookcase. It takes up hardly any space and they can organize their own books by title.
Here's the link to Sugar Pop Ribbons Giveaway
Here's the link to Sugar Pop Ribbons Giveaway
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Trying to win the spunky coconut's new cookbook and you should too
Here's the link to gluten free easily where the giveaway is.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Ramblings: Rockin' Green GIVEAWAY!!!!
Ramblings: Rockin' Green GIVEAWAY!!!!
I'm trying to win some funk rock and you should too.
Funk rock takes away ammonia stinkies and burning diapers.
I'm trying to win some funk rock and you should too.
Funk rock takes away ammonia stinkies and burning diapers.
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